Once upon a time my life was simple.
Once upon a time I knew who I was, a child filled with peace and love and hope.
And then things changed.
My father began having heart attacks in my early elementary school years. My innocent, carefree days of playing quietly in my room were soon gone. Days of gazing peacefully at the evergreens outside my bedroom window as a little girl suddenly changed to scary days now surrounded by the alcohol smells and drab walls of the hospital where my father had his many heart procedures, followed by his triple bypass. Fear overtook my young heart, its grip tight, slowly suffocating the life and hope out of me. Time passed and both my mother and father’s health continued to decline fueling that fear health scare after health scare. A young girl once filled with peace and smiles turned into a teen terrified of her parents dying and her being left alone. Day by day the peace in that little girl died.
And now it was about survival.
As a young child I was relatively quiet and happy go lucky. I enjoyed playing alone in my room, reading, being with my family and laughing.
And then something changed. Darkness moved in. At the tender age of 11, my legs shaking and my mouth dry I walked onto the first stage I would sing on. Sick at my stomach I knew I didn’t want to be there. I was terrified. I wanted to go home to my quiet safe place but I didn’t want to let my brother down. After all he believed in me. He told me I was special and that I was different. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to make him happy. I couldn’t tell him how I didn’t want to sing in front of all those people. So I took a deep breath and I walked on that stage and pretended I was someone else, someone sure of herself. Someone secure. Someone who enjoyed the attention of strangers. I pretended to be an extrovert.
That wasn’t the first time I pretended to be someone I wasn’t. I lived in a family of extroverts, loud and fun loving. My softer nature got overlooked on more than one occasion. As a child it was common for me to have to raise my hand for them to acknowledge me when we were all together. This became the norm for me. That is until I learned that if I forced myself out of my comfort zone and got loud I too would be heard. And heard I was. Finally I felt like they were listening. At least somewhat.
Day by day the innocent peace was being replaced by frustration and anger, accompanied by the intense fear of being left alone. At 15 years old I began getting more and more scared, losing a little more of myself every day, changing into someone I would learn to think was my true self.
I would be wrong.
At 15 the stage had become my home away from home. The days of raising my hand to be heard were over. Now the microphone I held in my hand held the key to my voice being heard. And people liked it. They liked me. At 16 a pregnancy would change my life forever. A marriage at 17 would too. And it didn’t stop there. I became more and more frustrated inside. More confused. I continued to sing and to be who I thought I was supposed to be. My true nature would show itself off and on and I would fight it. I had to. I needed to be strong. I needed to be a strong mom and I needed to be the singer people wanted to see when I walked onto whatever stage I was on. I needed to be lively and energetic. I needed to be a crowd pleaser. I needed to be what others told me I was.
But who was I?
Fast forward many years. Years that included my ex husband committing adultery multiple times over the course of our relationship & the breakup of my first marriage. Years of watching my parents health continue to decline and finally their death. Years of infertility and the loss of my babies. Years that included so much loss I don’t want to speak of it.
Years of unspeakable pain. And yet years of God’s amazing healing in my life.
It first started with Essential Oils and then Trim Healthy Mama and then Plexus. Each one has brought health and healing into my life. And yet something still wasn’t right with me. I found myself always bothered in my soul.
I began doing what I’ve always done and I called out to God and begged Him to open my eyes to what was bothering my soul so deeply.
And then He did.
What I’m about to tell you may sound silly to you at first but to me it has been life changing.
It’s called Energy Profiling and it was created by a woman named Carol Tuttle.
A couple years ago a good friend of mine told me about this and told me I should check out Carol’s Free course called “Dressing Your Truth.” In all honesty, I didn’t understand what it was all about and I didn’t see the point. Looking back I believe that the time wasn’t right for me.
It’s funny how God does things. His timing. His answers. So perfectly orchestrated. So Him.
After calling out to Him a couple months ago and asking Him to reveal what was causing my soul so much grief I began seeing Carol’s “Dressing Your Truth,” everywhere it seemed. Women I know to be credible, level headed women were raving about how that course changed their lives drastically. After seeing a few of their before and after pictures my interest was peaked. And the course was Free. What did I have to lose? I was pretty sure I could dress myself but why not check it out, right?
I have one word…
The Free course consists of a 4 videos describing 4 different energy types. As human beings we have all 4 but one is more dominant than the others. Instantly both my husband and I (he watched them with me) knew that I was a Type 1, an energetic woman filled with life. We were so sure that when the second video played we shut if off quickly and went to the others.
Once we had watched all but the half of the second one we turned off I sat there quietly and looked at my husband confused. I told him I felt that I needed to watch the 2nd one all the way through. I needed to be sure of which one I was. My heart longed to know.
After watching it all the way through my husband and I sat quietly in awe.
“Do you think I could be a Type 2?” I asked him.
For the next few minutes we sat there talking about all the similarities of me and the Type 2 woman. We assessed my facial features and I had more in common with her than the Type 1.
“But how could that be?” I pondered. “I’m a Type 1.” Or so I thought.
That night began a change in me that I will forever be grateful to Carol Tuttle and God for. It was a long sleepless night followed by much research and prayer and thought. All very true to my nature. I have since taken her paid courses and am almost done reading her book, “It’s just my Nature.”
I have also watched a gazillion of her videos on all 4 types.
So what have I discovered?
If you’ve taken her course you already know by my pictures.
I discovered that I am a Type 2 woman.
A shock to my mind. But only at first. God soon started revealing memories of my childhood and up. Memories showing me who I really was. Before the fear. Before the want to fit in and be noticed. Each day as I prayed I put some of Young Living’s “Inner Child” blend on my wrists and neck. I don’t know what kind of a role that played in my mind opening up but it did. Suppressed memories of my childhood and even my relationship with my ex husband came flooding back, each one revealing a moment in time where I was damaged emotionally. Each one so eye opening it was almost hard to breathe.
Lots of tears ensued. Again, true to my nature.
The Lord was healing me.
For the first time since I was a child I could see who I truly was. Who God created me to be.
Not who others thought I should be.
Want to know more… Stay tuned for Part II. Transforming into the Type 2 woman I was meant to be.
Would you like to take Carol’s FREE course?